


The Vampire impersonator's Daughter

by SRjackson



Category: Danny Phantom
Genre: Gen, Vlad clone kid au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 18:06:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30042633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SRjackson/pseuds/SRjackson
Summary: "...it was over dinner, that Jack had asked, no rather, strongly insinuated- that he ought to come along to their family reunion, because he didn't get out much and he could be their plus one, and that he was practically family anyway and it's not like he had anyone else.Daniel had snorted around a mouthful of mashed potatoes from across the table and added, "Aside from his cat, you mean"That had struck a bit of a nerve. The fact that the brat was right. Because really, as much as he adored Maddie, insolent furball she is, she didn't really count much in that regard. He was well and truly alone. And Jack of all people, pitied him for it.And That, simply wasn't going to stand."Vlad is stupid and impulsive, as per usual.Unsurprisingly, his clone takes after him.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	The Vampire impersonator's Daughter

Like most things, Vlad's attendance at the Fenton family reunion was purely the fault of Jack Fenton. 

The inciting incident had occurred over dinner at Fenton-Works.

He normally declined such invitations, even with the lure of Maddie's presence. But Daniel had been an _increasingly_ agitating thorn in his side as of late and he'd rather needed to make a point. Invading the boy's Haunt had always been a decent way to do that. 

So it was over dinner, that Jack had asked, no rather, _strongly_ _insinuated-_ that he ought to come along to their family reunion, because he _didn't get out much_ and he could _be their plus one_ , and that he was _practically family anyway_ and **_it's not like he had anyone else._**

Daniel had snorted around a mouthful of mashed potatoes from across the table and added, "Aside from his cat, you mean" 

That had struck a bit of a nerve. The fact that the brat was _right_ . Because really, as much as he adored Maddie, insolent furball she is, she didn't really count much in that regard. He was well and truly alone. And _Jack_ of all people, _pitied him_ for it. 

And _That_ , simply wasn't going to stand.

The drive from Amity Park to Arkansas is roughly several hours. The reunion was being held on a farm that was apparently owned by Maddie's sister. He'd been aware of said sister, of course, but Maddie had only ever mentioned Alica in passing, and he'd simply assumed the two weren't on good terms. But perhaps that wasn't the case, and the only barrier between them was that of a lengthy physical distance. 

He rather hoped that was the case. The last thing he wanted to deal with was Fenton Family drama, even if it would be undoubtedly entertaining to watch. He had more pressing matters to focus on. Namely, that of the clone in the front passenger seat. 

She has her nose buried in a book at the moment, Jekyll and Hyde last time he checked, but she very well could have finished already and swapped it for another of the same genre. He can't help but wonder if he should be a bit concerned about her infatuation with horror.

He makes a mental note to start monitoring her media consumption a bit more closely. It was fine for now though, the book would keep her preoccupied and quiet, macabre as it probably was. 

Honestly, he's just pleased she's taken to literature so quickly, a far cry from Danielle, who he'd had to just about wrestle with to get her to read. But it makes sense, all things considered. The cloning method he'd used this time was far more refined than that of his previous "daughter" or any of her even faultier predecessors. 

He hadn't even bothered with Daniel's DNA this time. The girl in the passenger seat was entirely _his._ Granted, he had nicked the Y chromosome- on purpose this time. It wouldn't have been as obvious when they were still young but the thought of inevitably having a duplicate of himself running around was deeply unnerving, to say the least. 

She had also not come out of the vat as an entirely clean slate. It had taken Danielle days to learn to walk, and nearly a month to _begin_ to grasp basic speech. He didn't have that kind of time. 

No, he'd made sure this clone had come with some "pre-loaded" info. He'd toyed with the idea of transferring memories between ghost cores, being able to actually execute that process had been a bit of a treat. And as a result, she easily acted just as old as she looked. Along with fine motor skills and an appropriately broad vocabulary, she had a skill set that could match his, in science, engineering, and math.

There were things he'd withheld of course- he wanted to teach her about the Ghost Zone and her powers first hand. And the more personal memories, about himself, about the Fentons, anything she needed to know about _those_ topics would be second hand information. 

She looks up from her book as he parks the car, "Oh! we're here?" 

He catches her by the shoulder as she unbuckles her seat belt, eager to bolt from the vehicle, "Do you remember the plan?" 

She huffs, slumping back into her seat, as he releases her "Yes, we went over it a million times!"

"Then you'll have no problem giving me a quick recap before we go."

She sighs, "Okay, okay- I'm your estranged niece from Russia, dead mom made me your ward- can we go now?" 

Vlad lets his hand hover above the button to unlock the doors, "So long as you're certain you have no questions." 

This gives her pause, and after a moment she asks, "Do I have to do the accent?" 

He shrugs, unlocking the car, "It would certainly make it more convincing." 

She nods in understanding, opening the door, "Fair point." 

It must have rained recently, making Vlad frown as his dress shoes sink into the disgustingly muddy earth. His “niece”, bless her naivety, doesn't seem nearly as perturbed, although she struggles to find her footing as her modestly high heeled shoes sink into the ground like knives. He walks around the car and offers an arm to keep her from face planting into the mess, and she takes the support with a grateful smile. And together, they walk across the muddy lot to Alica’s farmhouse. 

He spots the elder Fentons quickly. It's hard not to, with Jack still in his hazmat even though Maddie had swapped her's for a powder blue sundress. Jack is naught but an obnoxious stain of day-glo orange in comparison. 

He revels silently as Jack's stupid grin gives way to overtly obvious confusion, seeing him approach with his clone in tow. 

He's greeted with far too much enthusiasm and an almost painful clap on the back, "Vladdy! Glad you could make it!"

Maddie seems...surprised, to see him, but she smiles regardless, "We weren't sure you were coming." She glances at the girl clinging to his arm, "And who's this?" 

"This is Vanya," he gives her an affectionate pat on the head, "my niece " 

She raises an eyebrow, "I had no idea you had a sibling." 

"Neither did I, actually." 

Vanya cuts in, her false Russian accent flawless, "My mother, Vlad never met her. They v'ere only half siblings and ah…" she trails off, head bowed to feign discomfort of the topic. 

Vlad finishes for her, "She passed rather suddenly and left Vanya in my care." 

Vanya zones out as the Fentons murmur their sympathies and Vlad goes into his rehearsed spiel about the finer details of their cover story, her non-existent mother's illness, long distance phone calls and letters that were never made. 

It’s a dreadfully touching tale, sure, but Vanyas heard it a hundred times over all ready and she’s quite bored of it. What she _wants_ , is to go run around and _explore._ Not stand here listening to her made up sob-story, with the mud sucking at her shoes like it was trying to eat them. She looks down at her ruined pumps in disappointment. They were really nice shoes, why did Vlad think it was a good idea to have her wear them to a _farm,_ of all places? Stupid. 

Well, she’s not going to let them hinder her any further, and maybe they’d even be salvageable later if she took them off now and didn’t stain them any further. She pays the adults no mind as she bends down and shucks off the shoes, along with her knee high stockings that she’d like to remain as un-muddied as possible, thank-you-very-much. The mud is cool to the touch and delightfully squishy beneath her bare feet, and the novelty of the new sensation makes her giggle despite herself. This draws Vlad’s attention back to her, and he is not at all pleased with this new development. 

“Vanya!” he chastises her. 

She shrinks back only a little, shoes and stockings held aloft, “V’at else you expect from me? I can’t wear these out here, I’ll bust my ass!” 

He gapes at her, _“Swear jar-”_

“Ass is _not_ a swear!” she protests

“Only if you’re talking about a _donkey.”_

She glares at him defiantly. Stupid swear jar- what was the point of knowing words if she wasn’t allowed to use them? 

She sticks her chin out resolutely, “V’ell I guess you’re a donkey’s uncle then!” 

She regrets it as soon as the words leave her mouth because she can tell by the look on his face that he's about to _go off-_

But then Maddie laughs and _christ_ she'd long since decided she didn't like that woman, even having only just met her, but she's not dumb enough to ignore a free pass when it's staring her in the face. 

Vanya smiles at her as much as she can manage to, batting her eyelashes, playing up the image of a cute but overly ignorant foreign child. And then she turns her doe eyed gaze to Vlad, offering him her shoes and stockings and laying the accent on as thick as she can, "Can you hold onto these for me, _Volodya?"_

The use of the diminutive catches him off guard, (because she knew his _mother_ had only ever called him that) just enough that she's able to force the offending clothing into his hands and scamper off.

She already knows she'll be getting an earful later, but hey, that's for future Vanya to worry about. Present Vanya is going _exploring._

The ground turns from mud to grass as she runs, but it's not like the manicured lawn in the backyard of the mansion back in Polter-Heights. It's thick and soft in some spots and sparse enough in others that she can feel the dirt beneath it. It feels real and raw beneath her feet and she's _enamored_ with this new untouched earth almost instantly. 

There's a field of Rhubarb off to the side of Alica's cabin and she wants nothing more than to go tearing through it like some wild thing- but she knows better than to leave Vlad's line of sight so soon after what she just did. There's a big white pop up tent on the other side of Alica's cabin, the kind you have to rent for parties, with picnic tables set up underneath, dozens of strangers milling around them. She skirts around the edge of it, eyeing the crowd nervously. Maybe she should go back over to Vlad, this is a lot of new people and- _Oh_! 

A gnarled, ancient tree on the far side of the tent catches her eye, very tall, and clearly very good for climbing. And she very much wants to clamber up it and swing upside down from the branches….

She glances over her shoulder, frowning as she sees Jack and Maddie and Vlad approaching.

…...Except she can't, because her skirts would flip and Vlad'll definitely see and yell at her for being un-lady like and inappropriate and watch her like a damned hawk for the rest of the day. And she was _not_ having that. 

Maybe later though, Once introductions are done and Vlad's too busy trying to chat up _Maddie_ to notice his "niece" being a little hellion, and most of the other adults are too intoxicated to care to tell him otherwise. 

With that in mind, she allows herself to retreat back to Vlad. There's another woman with him now, broad shouldered and orange haired, and she realizes with a start that _this_ must be Alicia. She has a very certain pleasing physique, the kind that gives her little doubt Alicia could have her slung over her shoulder with one arm and not even break a sweat.

Vanya already likes her _much_ better than her sister. 

She sidiles over to the four of them, beaming, but trying not to be horribly obvious about it. Vlad makes her presence immediately known, "Oh, there you are, I was starting to wonder where you'd run off to." 

He'd only known her for several minutes, but Vlads already decided he likes Alicia. She seems the responsible sort, having had to build her entire farm from the ground up. He can respect that, even if she's rather hick-ish as a result. 

"I was just about to go put these," He addresses Vanya, gesturing with her shoes and stockings, "in the car. Why don't you go help Maddie and Alicia in the kitchen in the meantime?" 

Alicia laughs, "Sure, we'll keep her out of trouble." 

Vlad laughs as well before waking away, because she clearly means it as a joke, even though that is exactly what he needs her to do. 

Alicia smiles down at Vanya and her breath catches in her throat, her freckles are so _pretty_ from this angle, "It's Vanya, right?" 

She nods, dry mouthed. 

"Well c'mon hon, we can always use an extra pair of hands around here." 

Vanya follows Alica into the cabin, trailing behind her like a love sick puppy. She bustles around the kitchen with purpose, pulling out cutting boards, kitchen tools and vegetables. She sets Maddie up shucking corn and Vanya pales as she has a basket of carrots and a vegetable peeler thrust at her. 

"You know how to take the skins off, right?

And she does, in theory, at least, although she certainly hasn't done it yet herself in the _single_ week she's been alive thus far, but her nervousness has her shaking her head anyway. But Alicia doesn't scoff or call her daft, she takes a carrot from the basket instead, tone gentle and understanding "Here, I'll show you how." 

She stands behind Vanya, leaning over her shoulder to first brace the carrot against the edge of the counter top, and then take her hand in her own, showing her how to hold the tool so she doesn't slice her knuckles, guiding her so she knows the most effective way to move it. Her hands are rough and calloused from years of hard labor, and twice the size of her own. The contact is brief, a few strips of carrot skin hit the counter and then Alica is leaving her with a hearty pat on the back, on to her next task. 

Vanya almost chokes. 

Maddie looks at her strangely, "You alright over there?" 

She clears her throat, tries to focus on the carrots, "I'm fine." 

They work in awkward silence, or maybe it only feels awkward to Vanya, Maddie remains annoying unperturbed even though she's never felt so damned flustered in her life. She's sweating up a storm and the pot of water Alica's just set on the stove to boil is _not_ helping. 

Her hair is getting matted, falling In front of her eyes and sticking to her forehead. The last straw is when the vegetable peeler slips and skins her knuckles. She drops it to cutting board with a shout,

"мать ублюдок!" 

God, Vlad would've soaped her for that one, thank god he's not here and his russian is rusty anyway- 

She jams the injured finger in her mouth, sucking on it to numb the stinging pain and hide the neon pink oozing from the cut. 

Maddie puts down the corn she'd been husking, "You alright hun?" 

Vanya winces, not at the pain, but at the fact that she'd called her _hun_ \- that was significantly less endearing coming from her mouth then her sister's. 

"M' fine," she mumbles around her finger, and then swiftly removes it from her mouth so she doesn't look like a damned fool. She huffs, running her un-injured hand through her mussed hair, "I just...my hair got in way, I couldn't see v'hat I v'as doing." 

"Oh, are you alright?" Maddie steps closer to her as though to examine her hand, _too close._

She steps back, waving her away, "Yes, yes, is fine, v'as not bad cut. Stop fussing." 

The last thing she wants is to be _mothered_. 

Maddie still looks concerned, and turns away with a frown. Vanya watches as she digs through the small purse slung over a kitchen chair.

"Here," she says, turning back to her with a hair tie in hand and a smile on her face, "I can pull your hair back for you." 

She wants to decline, she doesn't want Maddie to touch her. But she _cannot_ afford to be so rude to _her_ , and she _does_ want her hair out of her face. 

So she simply nods, "Okay...thank you." 

She forces herself not to flinch away, not to pull a face, as Maddie works her dark curls into a bun "Oh, you have such pretty hair," Maddie tells her, fingers brushing over the single white streak, "Did you bleach this yourself?" 

Vanya Scoffs despite her best efforts not to, " _Nyet_ , Is not bleach. Mallen streak. From Poliosis." 

"Oh," Maddie lets go of her hair, finally, “I didn't realize that was a hereditary thing. You know, your uncle had one back in college-" she laughs lightly, "It's a bit faded now though, since his hair's gone so gray." 

Vanya plasters a smile across her face as she looks back at Maddie over her shoulder, "Yes V'ell, I suppose that's v'hat a face full of Ectoplasm V'ill do to you." 

The look on Maddie's face is _priceless_. 

The clear Horror that overtakes her at the mention of the _Accident_. The fact that this child even knows about the biggest mistake of her life when Vlad had seemingly no reason to tell her. Except Vlad didn't tell her about the accident, at least not in the excruciatingly vivid detail that she knows of it. And Vanya is fairly certain that she shouldn't know those details, that there were things about Vlad, about the Fentons that he'd rather have kept to himself, little bits that slipped through regardless of his intentions. She knows Vlad hasn't lied to her, but he speaks in half truths and not all of the narrative he's chosen to share with her matches the one lodged in her head. 

And Vanya knows that he has built _Maddie Fenton_ up so much in his head, has raised her onto such a towering pedestal….

She wants nothing more than to knock her bodily off of it. 

And then Maddie catches her sister re-enter the kitchen out of the corner of her eye and turns away, "Alicia the corns ready, did you want to do that separately or throw it in with everything else?" 

"It's a seafood boil Mads, you don't need to separate shit." 

Vlad picks a very good moment to make his reappearance. "Hi," She smiles as she crosses the kitchen to rejoin him, "I stayed out of trouble." 

"I should hope so." 

There isn't much left to do here, short of dumping everything in the pot to boil and cleaning up, but Vlad makes no move to leave. He leans casually against the door frame Instead, watching Maddie scrub at a cutting board. Vanya probably would've complained about that if it wouldn't have been so hypocritical. She was staring at Alica's backside with practically the same intensity.

Alicia clicks off the flame and gets the pot off the stove. Vanya sucks in a breath through her teeth, dumbstruck at the way the muscles in her bare forearms go taunt. _"oh my god I'd pay her to put me through a wall."_

Vlad looks down at her incredulously, "Beg pardon?"

Vanya feels her face go beet red, because no one was supposed to hear that but of course he did, heightened senses, _duh_ , "I mean," she sputters, "She's _hot."_

Vlad follows her gaze to Alica exiting the kitchen and then back to Vanya, the pieces slowly clicking into place. 

He lowers his voice, "Vanya. Do you-" and he feels somewhat ridiculous asking a question he's almost certain he already knows the answer to, but he'd like to be _sure_ , "you like women?" 

She looks at him strangely, "Yeah?

Why are you looking at me funny? You like them too!" 

"That's not really the same thing-" he sighs, christ this was…. definitely not something he'd planned on, "remind me to _explain_ sexuality to you when we get home, and please don't try to flirt with Maddie's sister, Alica is far too old for you." 

"And Maddies _married_ ," Vanya hisses under her breath. 

He hears her anyway, "What was that?" 

"Nothing." 

He grabs her shoulder and starts to guide her out of the kitchen, gritting his teeth "...That's what I thought." 

Vlad hadn't meant to leave her alone for so long, but of course it was only a matter of time before Daniel had begun to make a nuisance of himself. 

"Bold of you to come down here all on your lonesome."

Vlad had slammed the car door shut hard enough to make the entire vehicle rattle like a tin can, "Bolder yet of you to assume I came alone."

Danny snorts, leaning up against the hood, "What, like _you_ had a girlfriend or something to bring with you." 

Vlad ignored the jab, sauntering past him, "I'm sure you'll meet her soon enough." 

And he'd left it at that, because quite frankly, he'd had neither the time nor the desire to humor the boy. 

He has no idea where Daniel is now, the boy being nowhere in sight as he and Vanya rejoin the gathering outside. 

Although considering the severe lack of anyone younger than the drinking age under the tent, Vlad suspects Daniel and his sister have gotten stuck with babysitting duty. That's just as well, he doesn't need them in the way- and keeping their interactions with Vanya to a minimum is a must this early on in her development. 

Speaking of….Vanya seems terribly anxious at the moment, clinging to him like a lifeline in the sea of people. Which would be absolutely adorable if she'd come out smaller but as it is she's nearly as tall as he is and having her standing here with her face buried in his shoulder is just undignified. 

He taps her on the back of the head, "What's wrong with you?" 

She huffs and glares dagger at him, before mumbling, "I seem to have inherited your social anxiety." 

Vlad scoffs, lowering his voice, "I don't have social anxiety." 

She rolls her eyes, "No, you do too, you just hide it well."

He shoves her away from him, "Perhaps that's a skill you should learn as well."

"But _Volodya-"_ she whines, and Vlad promptly cuts her off because, oh no, she is not guilt tripping him out of this one. She needs to learn how to deal with human interaction one way or another, 

"No. _No._ Cut it out with the puppy dog eyes. Go. _Shoo_. Socialize." 

He separates himself from her, waving her away despite the pouting and protests. 

Vanya watches as he disappears into the crowd, no doubt to go find _Maddie_. 

_Ugh. For God's sake-_

As much as she despises the idea of diving in after him she dislikes the idea of being abandoned in favor of _that woman_ even less and does just that, muttering a string of rushed apologies as she ducks and weaves around people. 

Her suspicions are quickly confirmed. Vanya lingers a few yards away, watching Vlad butt into whatever conversation Maddie and Jack has been having with some relative or another. 

_Typical_.

She watches with a growing scowl on her face, even though she can't make out anything being said, the entire situation has her irked. 

Soon enough though, something else catches her attention- she isn't the only one watching Vlad right now. She can see him over Jack's shoulder, a lanky redhead with a bottle of beer in hand. Looking at Vlad in the same he looked at Maddie. 

_Now that's a little interesting, isn't it?_

She cuts back around the way she'd came so that she can walk up behind the man, startling him so badly that he spills his drink, "Are you checking out my uncle?" 

"Jesus christ! Where did you even come from-" he sputters, gesturing helplessly at Vlad, "That's _your_ uncle?' 

"Yep," she offers him her hand with a shit eating grin, "Hi, I'm Vanya" 

"Uh.. Walter, Walter Weston." He takes her hand and shakes it weakly, 

"I'm one of Alica's sons." 

Vanya cocks her head in shooting "Oh. Didn't know she had any." 

Walter just nods, shifting nervously, "Look I'm sorry about-" he gestures in Vlad's general direction, "I mean you're not gonna make like, a _thing_ out of this, right?" 

"V'hat? Oh, No, course not!" 

She shakes her head with a laugh, "Look, If it makes you feel any better, your mom kinda had me in a gay panic earlier, so I guess ve're even." 

"Oh my god." He cracks a smile, "seriously?" 

"Mmhm…" 

She crosses her arms, looking at Vlad with a bemused expression on her face, "But yeah, don't really blame you. He does kinda have that silver fox thing going on, doesn't he?"

Walter bursts out laughing, "He's your uncle!" 

"Yeah, doesn't mean I'm blind!"

It takes him a full minute to stop laughing, wiping moisture from his eyes as he catches his breath. 

"God you're freaking hysterical, you know that?" He claps her on the shoulder, "My brother and some of his friends are over there, why don't you come have a drink or something with us? I'd love to get to know you better." 

"Er…" Vanya mulls it over for a moment. She's….old enough to drink, Right? Definitely not chronologically, but, biologically? She might have only been born a week ago but that didn't mean she was an infant- Vlad had clocked her biological age at a little less than half his own so….

It was probably fine. 

She shrugs, trying to seem nonchalant, "Sure. V'hy not? Lead the way." 

It was not fine. 

She discovers very quickly that she has little tolerance for alcohol, especially in the form of homemade moonshine. She also discovers that Vlad has even _less_ of a tolerance for her being intoxicated. But that comes a bit later. 

The drinking is fun, while it lasts. Walter's brothers are crass, and loud and they think her accent is hysterical for some reason. Walter is slightly more refined, it turns out the man works for Vlad, very low on the totem pole, but a member of Dalv. Co. nonetheless. She decides she rather likes him and since he is looking for a better position she give him the number of Vlad's secretary, she could use an assistant. 

He'd thanked her, joking, "You know if I didn't know any better I'd think you're trying to set me up with your uncle here."

She'd laughed, "Can't I do both?" 

And then Vlad finds her and the funs over, oops. 

"You told me to socialize."

Vlad is fuming, "This is _not_ what I meant." 

"The drinking age in russia is 18." She protests weakly. 

"And Unfortunately, you're not in Russia anymore. Get up, we're leaving." 

She stumbles as she stands, eliciting a bout of laughter from the group, walter's brother cackles, "Godamn, and I thought you slavs were supposed'a be able to hold you booze!" 

Vlad scoops her up and slings her over his shoulder, "Not _this_ one," he hisses through gritted teeth. 

This was honestly the last thing he'd needed, but that's what he got for leaving her unsupervised with a bunch of _hicks._

"Huh. So this is the girlfriend?" 

Vlad seethes internally, "Daniel, now is not a good ti-"

Vanya bursts out laughing, "Ohmygosh ew Nooo! That'd be so gross!" And then she gasps like she'd just realized something and flails in Vlad's grasp, "Wait did you say Daniel- is _that_ Danny? Hiiiii honey badger!" 

Vlad struggles with her as she squirms to wave, her skirts flipping as he almost drops her. He manages to still her with a delibrate growl. He's able to adjust his hold on her, carrying her bridal style now rather than slung gracelessly over his shoulder.

"Jesus christ, where is your sense of dignity?"

She has the audacity to _giggle_ at him, "Probably left it in the car v'ith my shoes" 

" _Evidently_." 

Daniel cocks an eyebrow, "Uhhh...hi….uh _..honey badger?"_

Vanya Scoffs and rolls her eyes, "Beacuse it's far less patronizing than "Little Badger" duh. Also more accurate, considering his tendency to uh.." she snaps her fingers trying to remember, "What's the phrasing...oh! Wreck your shit!" 

Vlad has his eyes squeezed shut, " _Swear_ . _jar_." He grounds out. 

Vanya crosses her arms, "It doesn't count if it's a quote."

"Yes it does."

"Nuh uh," she protests.

"Yes, it does," He repeats.

"Nuh uhhhh."

"Vanya, if you continue to argue with me I _will_ drop you." 

She looks him straight in the eyes, "держу пари, нет, ты, дерьмо без мяча, трус."

Vlad meets her gaze, and promptly turns his arms Intangible. "My russian isn't as rusty as you think it is, dear girl." 

"So It seems you're not ballless after all." 

He rolls his eyes, "Я сделал тебя, не так ли?" 

This sends her into a fit of hysterical laugher and Vlad's anger with her turns to fondness despite his best efforts. He scoops her back up with a sigh, "Alright, that's enough, Малышонок, party's over." 

He gives Daniel a curt nod, "Do tell your mother I said goodbye, and hopefully next time you meet my _niece_ she'll be less intoxicated." 

He leaves him there, gaping. 

She sleeps most of the way home, and it's not until theyre parked in ten driveway that he speaks to her again. 

"Vanya?"

"Ye-esss, отец?" 

"Why are you like this?"

She shrugs, "I don't know, but considering that you are A) the sole provider of my genetic material and B) my only parental guardian, it's most likely you fault." 

He has to bite back a laugh, "You are so grounded right now." 

"Worth it." 

**Author's Note:**

> Russian translations: 
> 
> "Motherfucker!" 
> 
> "No"
> 
> "Bet you won't you balless shit head coward." 
> 
> "I made you, didn't I?" 
> 
> Term of endearment, baby/ little girl. 
> 
> Father
> 
> Art of Vanya, by a friend in a discord server.
> 
> https://photos.app.goo.gl/5AUFcsyaCt7pXmrr7


End file.
